A Suggestion for Reducing Childhood Trauma

Today I want to take a couple of minutes to really emphasize the importance of responsible adult supervision.  During my years working as a psychiatrist, I’ve heard a lot of stories.  I mean a lot of stories.  That’s one of the things I do.  I listen to people’s stories.  And now, as a result--the inside of me sometimes feels like a one-hundred-year-old woman dragging around a bag of cautionary tales.  I’ve heard story after story after story of how exactly things have gone south, gone bad, gone off the rails in people’s lives.  I would recount one or two stories if I thought it would be helpful, but I dare not--because if I had to retell some of the things I’ve heard, I would not be able to finish this talk because I’d be sick to my stomach and wouldn’t be able to stop crying for a very long time.  But, I’ll tell you this:  I’ve come to recognize patterns.  And one pattern I’ve clearly recognized is that things can go sideways really fast in the life of a child or teen in the absence of responsible adult supervision.  Trauma happens.  Trauma.  Horrific trauma that could possibly have been prevented if a responsible adult had been present on the scene.   All it takes is one set of vigilant eyes that say “I can see exactly what’s going on.”  That’s all it takes.  If any of you out there right now experienced trauma during your childhood, you know very well that things could have possibly turned out differently if a responsible adult had been present.  But even so, you can work through that trauma—you CAN work through it--with the help of a mental health professional, and you can keep pressing forward to the good that lies ahead.  Good does lie ahead. 

So, my suggestion for all of us is this—watch your children and teens.  Know where they are and what they’re doing.  Make sure that the activities and events they attend are supervised by responsible adults.  If they are going to hang out at someone’s house, make sure you know the adult well and that they will be supervising your child or teen.  Take the time to call the parents, guardians, or responsible adults in the home before you send your child or teen and make sure things are legit and that responsible adults will be present and supervising.  And I want you to think really hard before you send your child or teen to spend the night at someone’s house—you better know that family through and through and understand who comes in and out of that house.  If you feel a check in your gut, pay attention to it.   Never ever, ever go against your better judgment.  And if you got kids over to your place, go check on them every so often—go peek in and make sure everything’s alright.  And, in my opinion, it’s okay to be little sneaky—a little crafty--with it.  Don’t announce yourself with loud footsteps. Bomp, bomp, bomp, bomp, bomp!  No.  Just pop in at random and show your face.  “Y‘all need anything?”  Yeah.  Hopefully, that approach will shut down some shenanigans. 

And this cell phone cannot supervise your child or teen.  If your child or teen is really in trouble, you cannot trust a cell phone to save them.  This is what I think---if you wouldn’t send your child or teen to a certain place without a cell phone, then it’s best not to send them at all—at least not without responsible adult supervision.  Some people send their children places they usually wouldn’t and rationalize “Ah, it’s alright.  They got their cell phone with them.”  Word of caution—don't trust a cell phone to prevent a traumatic situation.  You need a responsible adult with eyes on your child or teen.   The other day, I saw a boy—maybe six years old—walking home from school with a cell phone.  His eyes were glued to the cell phone, and he didn’t seem to be paying a lick of attention to what was going on around him.  Responsible. Adult. Supervision.  It can stop a whole lot of unnecessary badness.   I’ve spent lots of time with patients processing traumatic events.  Too much time, if you ask me.   These events could have been prevented by one set of supervising eyes.  I believe that I would have had fewer patients in my office battling mental illness.  And you know what—that would have been alright with me.  In fact, I would have been glad.  It would be good to have less patients battling mental illness.   

My name is Dr. K, and this has been Mental Health| Plain Speak.  And remember, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”