Slaying the Beast of Anxiety — Part Two
Anxiety! Oh, my goodness! Who needs this mess? No one, right? Yeah! Anxiety can be a monster. But today, we’re gonna talk about a way to slay this beast.
So, hey! My name is Dr. K, and if you are new to me, I’m a psychiatrist based in the Southeast, and I’m all about posting content to increase awareness of mental illness and help overcome common mental health struggles. And today, we’re going to lay out yet another strategy for conquering that monster — anxiety.
First of all, Imma let you in on a little secret, you ain’t the only one wrestling with anxiety. Anxiety is pervasive. In fact, I personally don’t know a single person who’s never experienced anxiety in some form or fashion. However, anxiety can be debilitating if we allow it to dictate our behavior. And we can’t let anxiety keep us from doing what we know we need to do. So, let’s get about tackling it.
Now, in one of my previous talks, we defined anxiety as a feeling of dread or worry in the face of a threat that has not or may never happen. However, the definition I personally like to use for myself when I’m working through anxiety is this — anxiety is unresolved conflict. Say what? I said, anxiety is unresolved conflict. And what I mean is this — on the inside of my mind, my soul, my psyche, I am wrestling with a situation that has at least two sides. I got an internal conflict going on. I got myself a dilemma. And the reason that I’m feeling anxious is that I haven’t come up with any workable solutions for resolving the conflict. I have no idea how I’m going to work through this dilemma.
Now, a lot of times people are walking around and they just feel nervous. They don’t even know why. They just feel bad. Jittery. Irritable. Their chest or neck is tight. They can’t even sleep well. Well, you know what, they might just need to take a minute, dig around on the inside of their minds a bit and figure out what in the world is making me anxious. Sit down and define the conflict. What on the inside of me is wrestling?
Okay, I got a case in point — you are at work, and you are on the verge of panic. You feel your heart racing, your breathing is rapid and shallow, and your neck is tense. You feel stressed to the max. Alright, let’s define the conflict. On one side — you’ve got a report to hammer out. You’ve made some pretty solid progress, and you’re about halfway done. And what’s the other side of the dilemma that’s creating conflict? Your supervisor set the deadline for submission last week and that deadline is today. Today at 5 pm. And it’s now 3 pm. Oh, my. At just the thought, you can actually feel your blood pressure rising to dangerous levels.
Now given how anxious you’re feeling, do you think your mind and body are going to function at it’s peak? Let me go ahead and tell you the answer is no. That level of anxiety is absolutely counterproductive.
So, we’re going to talk through one strategy for addressing the situation and then hopefully, you’ll be able to apply the strategy to situations of your own.
So, one strategy of effectively tackling anxiety:
communicating—clearly and authentically—to those who have power or influence over the situation that’s making you anxious. In the hypothetical example I offered above, you’ve got a project to do and it’s due in two hours. Instead of flipping into freak out mode and spinning your wheels being anxious for the next two hours, you could start by communicating clearly and authentically to the project supervisor. You could simply compose a well-worded, tactful email. Dear Supervisor, I’ve been working diligently on this project, but I’ll be hard-pressed to finish it by the specified deadline. I would love for you to see my best work so I’ll need one additional day to give this project my all. Let me know your thoughts.
At this point, you can take a deep sigh of relief because you’ve communicated the situation on the ground and aren’t bearing the burden of trying to cover yourself. The ball’s now in the supervisor’s court. In the meantime, you’ve created for yourself additional time to work. You’ve got an extra day, unless the boss communicates otherwise. Now you may be like, Dr. K, it’s unrealistic to think that I can just talk my way out of meeting a deadline. You’ll be surprised. In my experience, communicating your needs to the “powers-that-be” can get you what you need and lower your anxiety levels, especially if you phrase it in a way that shows it’s in their best interest to give you what you need.
Now, you might say, hey Dr. K, you don’t know my boss. There’s no way that would happen. Well, stay tuned for the next session. If your boss happens to be an unreasonable jerk-face or the hard truth is that the deadline can’t be extended, then I’ll discuss our next strategy of lowering anxiety in the face of unfavorable responses.
But right now, let’s go back and apply this strategy of lowering anxiety by clear and authentic communication to “the powers that be” to another situation. Let’s say you sign up for a class that is required for you to reach some sort of personal goal, but you feel overwhelmed with anxiety at the thought of taking the class. You suspect that all of the information presented will be new to you and you’re afraid that it’ll be completely out of your reach. One way to lower your anxiety level from the beginning is to communicate clearly and authentically with the person teaching the class. Make the teacher aware of your concerns and see what comes of it. In my experience, people who are new to a class or any situation will find great comfort in communicating their concerns or fears and having the teacher or instructor address those concerns.
Let’s try one other situation. On Monday of the second week of school, your six-year-old child absolutely refuses to get out of bed and get ready. She cries uncontrollably and begs not to go. After thirty minutes of trying to calm her down and understand what the heck is going on, you’re still at a loss because she still hasn’t really told you anything. Now your anxiety level is climbing because you’ve got to make it to work. Instead of flipping out and drowning in anxiety, you’re going to want to effectively communicate your way through this to lower everyone’s level of anxiety. You communicate to your child that you’ll contact the school and let them know that you’ll be using the morning to get these figured out. Then next, you can contact your work supervisor and clearly and authentically communicate the situation at home. Finally, you can proceed with contacting school officials and communicating clearly and authentically what’s going on with your child. At that point, the school can hopefully provide some insight into what’s going on and some guidance on how to handle the situation.
Okay, let me choose one last situation that I imagine is likely pretty common — to provide an example of how clear and authentic communication can help lower levels of anxiety — let’s say you are on your way to pick up your child from daycare. There are ten minutes left until the daycare closes, and as you’re on your way, you run into traffic that’s at a standstill. You feel that anxiety rising up in you— your heart starts racing, your stomach is in knots and as you curse the traffic and the universe, you feel like you might just be on the verge of panic. Instead of panicking, figure out a way to communicate yourself through and out of the anxiety. What to do? How about simply calling the school? Oh. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Call the daycare and let them know that you’re stuck in traffic and on your way. And watch your anxiety levels drop within seconds.
Okay, so the bottom line is this—if you find yourself extremely anxious in a situation, find a way to communicate clearly and authentically “to the powers that be” in order to create space for yourself and help reduce those levels of anxiety.
Alright, that’s the end of the session for today. I hope this content has helped you recognize some ways that you can lower your own levels of anxiety. Now please do remember that the suggestions I offer here are not meant to be a substitute for advice from your own provider. So, talk to your provider before implementing any of these tips. And if you don’t have someone helping you with your mental health needs, consider reaching out to a professional.
Folks, let’s make it our business to understand mental illness and those who struggle against mental illness. I’m Dr. K, and this has been Mental Health | Plain Speak. And remember, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
